The particular loneliness of this stage

During pregnancy, it’s possible to be surrounded by people who are excited about what’s happening and still feel like no one is really asking how you are doing. The questions are often about the baby, the nursery, the name. Things you may be carrying privately, like anxiety about birth, ambivalence you can't quite name, grief from a previous loss and any other challenging emotions can feel like they’re not allowed to be said out loud. It’s common to feel alone with these feelings. But pregnancy includes all emotions, and finding community and building support is possible.

Why now is the right time to think about postpartum support

While you may need support during pregnancy, there’s also good reason to start thinking about postpartum support early and not waiting until the birth. The months ahead are easier to navigate when you’ve already done some of the planning while you still have the time, energy and capacity for it. Think of it like updating your home insurance. Reaching out for support before you need it can help prevent or reduce your mental health risks and other challenges postpartum.

Postpartum mental health challenges are more common among those with minimal support. Prepping now can pay off when things get hard, which they do for almost everyone, regardless of how wanted this pregnancy is, or how capable and prepared they are.

What support actually looks like: It’s not one thing

You may not be sure what types of support you might need, so it helps to break things into specific categories. Research identifies several kinds of support that matter for wellbeing during pregnancy and after:

You don’t need one person to provide all of these types of support. Most people don't have that capacity, and expecting it from a single relationship puts a lot of pressure on everyone.

One small starting point

Connecting with other parents who have lived experience during this period is proven to be helpful.

If asking for help feels more difficult than giving it (which is true for a lot of people), it may help to make the request very specific. "Would you be willing to bring dinner once a week after the baby comes?" is much easier for someone to say yes to than a vague request for support, which is often answered by “let me know if you need anything.” People often want to help and connect with others, but aren’t always sure how they can help — so help them by letting them know!

Remember, though, that if someone says “no,” it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you or don’t want to help at all. Sometimes people might not have the bandwidth to commit to something regular over a longer period of time, and they don’t want to disappoint you. Also, someone who hates cooking and might not have the budget to get you take-out once a week might not be the best person to ask for help with meal planning. However, they might be willing to drive you to appointments, or help you with some cleaning around the home.

What to say at your next appointment

A trusted care provider who hears that can offer a referral, suggest a group, recommend a care provider, or simply acknowledge that the feeling is real and worth taking seriously. The second trimester, when there is (most often) still time before the intensity of late pregnancy and early parenthood, is exactly the right moment to raise the issue. This applies whether you’re the one who is pregnant or the partner supporting them.