Supporting your loved one’s mental health

You don't have to have the answer

It’s natural to want to solve the problem, especially when someone you care about is in pain. But perinatal mental health issues are not problems you can solve with the right words or enough effort.

Your role is to listen without judgement, help reduce the load, stay close, check in regularly and support your loved one to connect to the right care if and when they need it.

How to recognize when it's more than just a bad day

Perinatal mental health issues don't always look the way people expect. It's not always crying, and it's not always obvious. You might find that your partner or loved one seems more irritable than sad, more withdrawn than upset, more worried and on edge, or even angry. Some people go quiet. Some become hypervigilant about the baby. Some describe feeling numb, or like they're watching their own life from a distance.

Signs that something may be more than a hard time:

If your partner or loved one says something like “everyone would be better off without me,” or that they “don't want to be here,” that’s a sign to reach out for professional support right away. If you don’t have one, our Service Finder can help connect you with a care provider you can both talk to.

What helps day to day: Three habits

Partners, friends and family members often want to help but don't know where to start. These three habits won't fix everything, but research suggests they make a real difference.

When things feel urgent

Sometimes, distress is a moment of crisis. Your partner or loved one may be feeling panicked, shutting down completely, crying and unable to stop, or saying they can't cope. In these moments, your job is not to find the right solution. It's to help them feel safe and stay present and available, while the moment passes.

What to try:

• Slow your own breathing — you don't need to tell them to breathe, just model it and they may follow
• Use a calm, quiet voice, and simple words that are already part of your vocabulary — "I'm right here, take your time"
• Position yourself so that you’re present and available, but also not too close, without crowding — your physical presence matters
• If they're comfortable with touch, a hand on the shoulder or a gentle caress can help
• Reduce noise and stimulation where you can (e.g., step away from a screen, lower the volume)
• Try a simple grounding exercise together — name five things you can both see, four you can touch, three you can hear

Think of these actions as emotional first aid: immediate support in a difficult moment, until the person feels more settled or can access more help.