It can be hard to find the words

People often don’t know how to talk about miscarriage at this stage, and it may feel like you don’t have the right words to describe how you’re feeling. Some people call it a loss. Some say their baby died. Some use clinical terms like miscarriage. Some choose to name their baby, and others don’t. The people around you may also be unsure of what to say, which can increase feelings of loneliness and isolation in your grief.

What your body went through

A loss at this stage often involves a physical experience that earlier miscarriage does not, and may also include medical interventions. You may or may not have laboured, delivered and held your baby afterwards. Physical recovery is real, and it takes time. Your body went through something significant. The timeline of physical healing has nothing to do with when your grief should ease, or whether what you went through "counts" as a major loss. Grief is not linear — your body has gone through something significant, and the world goes on, but a piece of you feels left behind.

The grief — and what can make it harder

The people around you

Some people in your life will have known about the pregnancy, while others didn’t. Both situations can be difficult to navigate.

People who knew about the pregnancy may not know what to say, say the wrong thing or say nothing at all. Some may disappear from your life altogether, for reasons known to only themselves.

People who didn't know may need to be told at a moment when you have very little to give.

You get to decide what to tell people, and when, and how much. You don't owe anyone an explanation that you aren’t ready to give.

When and how to reach out for support

Grief after pregnancy loss deserves real support. Research shows that experiencing a loss like this increases the risk of depression and anxiety in the months that follow, and that support during this time can make a real difference.

Once they feel ready, one thing that many people find helpful is reaching out to someone who has been through a similar loss. A peer who has been where you are can offer something others maybe can’t: the specific recognition that what happened to you was real and can carry with it a particularly heavy grief.